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MissSleeper

Arakanga, MissSleeper
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Hey everyone. 

I'm aware I've been pretty much inactive here lately, so here's to why. My health has been giving me problems again, plus the depression suddenly got worse, don't know why, but I've been struggling with just living normally since January or February. I've been trying to juggle my job and university duties and except that, I've had no energy whatsoever. However, it should be getting better from now on - yesterday I had my gall bladder removed, so finally no more attacks, I hope. I'll be recovering from the surgery for a few weeks and then I might finally start being creative again, something I miss quite a lot. To name a few things that are high on my list of drawing/creative priorities:

1) Trade with SpaceCastaway. I haven't forgotten, I swear! And when I'm better, the picture is the first thing on my to-do (or more like to-finish) list :) 
2) Comissions for Hoples. Yeah, that too I haven't forgotten. Get ready for the rest of the coffee-less fanfiction and the pictures I promised :) 
3) Finally, there go the two groups, Black Order HQ and Serket Academy. Once my exams are over, I plan to dedicate most of my free time to them.

That's it. Thanks for your patience and I'll see you around, you know, when my stitches are out :) 
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Hey, so I'm back from the hospital and I might finally get to draw something. I really hoped I'd have the energy to draw something in the hospital, but unfortunately due to some examinations (and one misunderstanding between nurses and doctors), I wasn't allowed to eat for 3 days, meaning I felt really sick and had no energy. And what was even better, even though I was released from the hospital on Tuesday afternoon, I immediately got sick again because the hospital had too many patients and two of the three patients in my room were sick (apart from the problems that led them to the hospital), meaning that I got a viral infection as a souvenir. How fun. 

I'm slowly getting better, not healthy yet, but it's improving (at least I can breathe, yay). Thanks for your patience, I hope my health will finally give me a break. I will need a surgery in time, but I will definitely let you know when I have to leave again. 
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Hey guys, a quick note for those of you that I either promised a reply to or for those waiting for my art for OCT/BOHQ. Yesterday I had a gall bladder attack and because some of the examinations I had didn't go well enough, I need to go to a hospital for a few days. Nothing major, but I won't be able to be online for that time. Stay safe and see you soon!
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Thank you!

1 min read
Hello everyone,

I just wanted to tell you that I'm still here, although the exam period at my university is consuming all my free time and energy. But I wanted you to know how much I appreciate your comments and encouraging words about the journal about my father I wrote. They gave me the strength I very much needed and calmed me down a lot, as they showed that someoe is, in fact, willing to listen and believes me. This means more to me than I could possibly hope to express. Long story short, I just want to shout a big "THANK YOU!" to you all and send you a virtual hug :hug:

I am late in OC:T, but I will definitely catch up, as I will with my duties in BOHQ. Thank you very much for your patience and your kindness.

Arakanga/Aneta
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Hey guys. You might have noticed that I haven't been here much recently and I'm very sorry for neglecting you all and my duties for BOHQ and OC:T. The reason for my absence is quite simple: on January 4th, it has been a year since I last saw my father alive. On January 22nd, it will be the first anniversary of his death. I'm slowly coming to terms with it, but these two occasions combined with the (rather depressing) Christmas holidays without him are/were quite tough on me and my mother. And since I've had a lot of time to think about what I feel and why, I would like to share something like an explanation of the past year and what led to it. It will be long but please, bear with me. 

As most of my watchers, friends and acquintances know, my father passed away last January, very unexpectedly. The official reason was a massive bleeding into his brain which couldn't be avoided. However, what you don't know and what I would like to talk about are the circumstances and what led to his death, because what happened to me and my mother was not "merely" (what an ugly word to use) a death of a very important person, but it shook our beliefs and trust in human nature and our society. And I feel like I need people to know, at least the ones who are interested in my work, what kind of world I see around me. 

First of all, I have to mention that my father was a politician. Now, I know that most of you think that is a negative thing, and in many cases you are right. But my father was a true idealist. I am not trying to defend him, I'm just stating facts: he was an intellectual, a historian and philosopher, wrote more than 16 specialized books, spoke/knew more than 15 languages and he owned the largest private library in my country. His knowledge was incredible. He only slept several hours a day and sometimes even wasted his resources on helping people - that meant f. e. he would sleep for 3 hours and then drive on his own, using his own car and gas without anyone paying him back for it, to hold a lecture for 20 people on the other end of the country, just because he wanted to share what he knew. He has always been like that and I know he had an unshakeable trust in human goodness and their positive nature. His decision to become a politican was because of that as well; he simply thought that he had the duty to other citizens to try to improve the living conditions. 

However, his trust which easily crossed into naivety was what greatly contributed to his death. He made large debts and was often tricked, simply because he thought that if someone shook his hand or promised, then they wouldn't cross him. He was judging according to himself, as he would never intentionally trick someone or take advantage of them, but of course, that was a mistake. He also gravely underestimated the influence of media. When they spread lies about him (not something minor, but very major things), he simply shrugged and let it be. "I don't have time to deal with idiots," he used to say. "I'm too busy for that. People are smart, they won't believe this about me." But unfortunately, they did. As my father didn't fight back, the medial campaign against him grew into a horrible hunt and when he started to defend himself, it was too late. No one minded since he has been a thorn in side to many people. He even tried to sue one of the television stations in my country for the lies they were intentionally spreading during the elections, but the TV's lawyers replied (and we have this on paper!): "Even if what you're claiming is true, we have no obligation to know whether what we are reporting is true". My father's lawyer recommended him to drop the charges and so did several other lawyers. When the news of my father's debts reached the media, journalists were even bothering me and my mother. We grew anxious whenever we saw an unknown car parked in front of our house.

I'd just like to add here that me mother and I were both used to the hate that other people felt towards us just for being related to my father. I was verbally bullied in my primary school, my mother faced many problems in her work due to who my father was. But we were used to that at that point. However, it grew much worse from 2012 on. 

In December 2015, on my 25th birthday, my father got involved in a scandal. He was arrested in a foreign country on very dubious charges. He was denied contact with us, his family, and his employer - but me and my mother learned of his arrest from the media. When he was finally allowed to phone us, later that evening, he called us and insisted that we leave our house and hide somewhere because of the medial hunt that would definitely follow. We complied. My father got back to the country and during his absence, the media spread so many disgusting lies without any basis that his image was damaged beyond repair. Still, he kept fighting for clearing his name. He demanded the camera recordings of his so-called crime, because he knew they would prove his innocence. They were never released. People only remembered the initial wave of lies and began to believe what the media speculated. Everyone turned their backs on him. One month and half later, my father died. The medial hunt, stress and feeling of helplessness were too much for his body that he overworked for so many years. 

Me and my mother did the only thing we could think of. We immediately went to our country's parliament and demanded that the authorities investigate what led to my fathers death. We wanted to know why he was offered no help, why he didn't receive all his medication while he was arrested (something he complained about after he returned), who reported his arrest since the media knew about it sooner than we, his family, did, and most importantly, what actually happened there. We wanted to clear his name. Now, almost a year since his death, we still don't know the answer. There have been obstructions from both our country's and the other one's side. No one seems to take interest in it. When he was post-humously declared as innocent and the charges were dropped, almost no media reported it. No media apologized. Not a single one. 

My father's funeral was attended by many people. We wanted 3 people to speak: one for his friends, one for the academics and one for his political party. His friends either ignored our request or declined. The academic who we asked for help first agreed, but then used an illness as an excuse. When we inquired, we learned from a different source that he was threatened that if he spoke at my father's funeral, he'd be fired. Only one person agreed to help. We had no choice; we took a sufficient dose of antidepressants and spoke there, next to my father's coffin, and told the people what we knew, what happened. The people at the funeral clapped, something which is very unusual. But of course, what we had to say was not according to our media's taste. Our speeches were taken out of context, twisted or downright lied about. We had to share the full texts along with a video to prove what we actually said, but still many people believe in the twisted version in which me and my mother sound hateful towards my father, instead of stressing his qualities and what his life was like (and most importantly, what the media did to him). I would also like to add that many people found me on the Facebook and while they were many nice memories and comments about my dad, there were also people who took their time to message me about how my father was a criminal, how they are happy he's dead. One even mentioned that he's sorry he doesn't have time during his funeral because he'd like to come there and take a sh*t there. 

Now my grandmother, who has lost both her husband and her only son (my dad), and who has been a Christian her whole life (note: we are the most atheistic country in the world, so that counts as something) keeps saying that God probably doesn't exist because if so, then how could he let this happen to the most selfless person we have known. Me and my mother both suffer from paranoia; we are afraid to tell others our surname because the lies spread by the media are impossible to deny. We still fight for clearing of my father's name, but heaven knows if that will ever happen. Some members of our extended family almost seem like they are happy with what happened to us, that it was okay that my father got tricked so many times into signing much larger sums of money than he actually owed, because "he was too stupid and trusting". We feel very powerless, the police is trying to help us but the progress is being obstructed from many sides and many things should be explained by diplomats, not by the police. But even when we asked my father's co-workers for help, most of them don't want to endanger their positions. I couldn't even manage to get a FB page that was mocking my father's death deleted; every time I report it, they say it's okay. 

I guess that's it. I know it may seem hard to believe, but I assure you, I don't lie or exaggerate. I can prove these things, but no one is willing to listen. That's why I decided to share it with you, here. Even though I am still afraid I will be found here and mocked (and for a good reason, after my father's scandal, my cosplay pictures were used by tabloids to mock him and me), I still think it's better to share my experience than remaining silent.

Thank you very much for reading and see you around. 
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